"Nobody's Right, If Everybody's Wrong"

I've been mostly taking a break from social media for the last few months, but yesterday I decided to take a scroll through Facebook and see what I've been missing. 

What I found was a lot of different opinions, mostly respectful (because my friends are cool like that) and passionately defensive on one side or the other regarding the latest episode of drama swirling around the POTUS, the American Flag / National Anthem and the NFL. 

I've largely stayed out of any political conversations since the election, mostly because I was tired. Tired of arguing, tired of listening to / reading about politics and seeing how divisive the topic had become. I'm still tired. I can't stand to watch most news programs... I dislike the spin and can't stand the rhetoric, so I've consciously tuned a great deal of it out. It's one of the reasons social media and I are on somewhat of a break. 

This particular subject however, is an intriguing one to me, so here I am, throwing in my $0.02. 

Let's start with a few FACTS:

1. The American Flag was created as a symbol of our nation. The current version of the Flag consists of: Thirteen stripes, red and white, representing the original thirteen colonies (the red represents hardiness and valor, the white, purity and innocence), a field of blue (representing vigilance, perseverance and justice) and 50 white stars, representing each of the 50 states.

2. The Star Spangled Banner was a poem, written by Francis Scott Key, inspired by his first-hand account of a decisive battle during the war of 1812. Later, it was set to a popular tune, and though popularized by the military as a patriotic song, was not selected as the official National Anthem of the United States until 1931.

3. The tradition of playing The Star Spangled Banner at sporting events actually precedes its being named the National Anthem, and became popular during sporting events during and after WWII.

Now, no one disputes facts, right? Wrong. Actually, I don't believe the facts themselves are ever in question, but rather someone else's interpretation of the facts. Nevertheless, here are just a few more facts:

4. The Department of Defense has paid national sports teams and leagues MILLIONS of tax-payer dollars since 2012 to put on patriotic displays at their games. 

5. The United States Code contains specific instructions on the proper manner of flying the flag, as well as proper behavior of citizens (military and civilian) and non-citizens with regard to respecting the flag and the National Anthem. It does NOT impose any penalties for misuse of the flag (each state has its own flag laws).

6. The First Amendment protects citizens from government imposed religion and restrictions on speech. It protects the rights of citizens to peaceably assemble (protest). 

About that last fact... the First Amendment restricts what the government can do... you cannot be arrested and prosecuted simply for saying something or writing something, or for demonstrating in a peaceful way. It does not say anything about protecting one who is speaking and writing and protesting from one's employer. Unless your employer is the government, you still have to abide by their rules and policies, or risk losing your job. Period. 

Now, with all that said, and all those facts laid out, I'll get to my opinion. Which is, as some of you might expect, not cut and dry, black and white, left or right. I can see both sides of this argument. I understand the root issue of how these protests got started. I understand the feeling of those who say these protests are disrespectful. 

Based on everything I know, the research I've done, and in part because of how I was raised, my position is that our Flag and the National Anthem are symbols of patriotism, and are due respect. To me, they do not represent the brokenness of the country as it is today (and it is broken), but the history of resiliency for which our country is known. The pride I have for my country is not based on the behavior of its elected officials; it is based on the ideals and principles on which we were founded. The ideals and principles (freedom being the biggest one) for which so many have fought and died.

Not everyone feels that way. Not everyone views the symbols of our flag and anthem in a positive light. To some, they represent a country that has failed them, and continues to do so. We are failing as a nation... failing to listen. Failing to hear. Failing to treat others with respect, even when our opinion differs from theirs. 

I stand up and say the Pledge of Allegiance at every Girl Scout meeting, have guided my troop to learn how to perform a proper flag retirement ceremony, and am working with them to perform a proper flag presentation ceremony. They are learning respect for our country and its flag, as it was taught to me. However, should one of my girls feel compelled not to participate, I will honor that. If the subject ever arises, I will have a respectful conversation with the girls, and listen to their opinions and feelings. And I will respect their choice to participate or abstain, as that is their right.

I will continue to honor my country's symbols and I will continue to respect another's right to feel differently and protest peacefully. I will stand, hat in hand, hand on heart and be thankful to live in a country where we are afforded the right to show our patriotism in that fashion, or by abstaining.

The beauty of living in a country where individual freedom is valued and protected is that your words and actions cannot be penalized by the government, so long as your actions don't infringe on the rights and freedom of others. The Supreme Court, in 1943, struck down an effort to compel students to stand and recite the pledge of allegiance in schools, or face expulsion if they did not. In that decision, Justice Jackson says, "To believe that patriotism will not flourish if patriotic ceremonies are voluntary and spontaneous instead of a compulsory routine is to make an unflattering estimate of the appeal of our institutions to free minds." Forced patriotism isn't something to celebrate; freedom is.

I don't have to like the manner in which these protests are carried out. I don't have to like the fact that the president keeps stirring the pot with his name calling and inserting himself into situations over which he has no jurisdiction. I don't have to agree with either side of the argument. But I believe I have an obligation to listen to all sides. I will research, and learn about history, and decide for myself what I believe is right. And I will respect any other human's right to speak their mind, even if I disagree. 

All day long, a couple of different songs have run through my head. Both seem especially timely today, so I'm including them here. I pray that we can all listen with open minds and hearts to others who may not always see things the same we do. Maybe by listening, we can begin to heal.

Fifteen Years

It's always hard, this day. Some are years worse than others. This seems to be a tough year, although I can't quite say why. 

Fifteen years later, it's no longer the raw grief of recent loss. It's more like the dull ache of a pain that never really goes away. It flares up now and then. Always now. It's hard not to dwell on it, the significance of this day, this week.

Strangers can't tell; outwardly, I go on like it's any other day. I laugh, I smile. I'm cordial and polite. And, even today, if someone asks me how many children I have, I say two. With a pang of guilt, because that's a lie. I am a mother of three children, not two. 

But that nice person I just met, who is just making casual conversation, doesn't need to know that. And I don't want to have to explain. I don't want to make them to feel bad for asking, or listen to the uncomfortable stammer of someone who doesn't know what to say, because they've never been through it. Or force someone else to relive their own pain by sharing mine, because they have been through it. 

I still have moments of wondering why. I'll never know the answer. All I do know, is that for whatever reason, she was never meant to be mine here on earth. Things would be so different... Charlie might not have come along when he did. Sarah might not have come at all. And I do know I was meant to be their mother. I can't imagine my life without them. And they are who they are, in part because of who I am. Who I was when they came along. And I wouldn't have been the same without the loss of Emma. 

The hospital calls what happened a "missed miscarriage". Three weeks later, it would have been called something different. It would have been called what it was to me, which was a stillbirth. She was my child. She lived and grew just enough for me to feel her move one time. I heard her heartbeat, just once. And then she was gone. I went through hell that week, being induced, and delivering in a remote room of the maternity ward, far enough away that I didn't have to hear the joyful chime that rings out each time a new baby is born. Leaving that hospital feeling empty and alone.

Nothing fills the void left by the loss of a child. There is no time limit on grief. It's okay not to be "okay". It's okay to talk about her. It's okay to not talk about her. I sometimes feel guilty when I don't talk about her. Sometimes I still cry when I mention her name. Sometimes, that's why I don't mention her name. Can't mention her name. 

Today, I haven't said her name out loud. I probably won't. Yet, I've thought about her every minute, and could not stop my mind from going back to that day. I've thought about the fact that she would have been a freshman in high school this year. I've wondered what she would look like, or what type of personality she might have had. She was not meant for this world, but she was meant for me, for however brief a time. 

Emma Grace was my daughter. She was a gift I couldn't keep, but I hold her in my heart.